Just Jie Yang now.

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In the recent light of oral and anal sex being legal in Singapore, I would like to highlight the fact that perhaps, Singaporeans are not ready for this privilege (even though if they do it, no one will know). Take a look at what caught my eye when I was reading Mind Your Body by the Straits Times yesterday.

Apparently, this concerned aunt is being thoroughly ignorant.

I’ve calculated some scenarios where this kind of ignorance can possibly happen in a country where advertisments propagating safe sex, the use of condoms and the usage of instruments to chart when one is fertile, are actually everywhere.

1. Her nephew scammed her. Their petting were done erm, clothes on, but clothes on hands too, thus causing some of the stuff that came out to may have gone in.
2. She doesn’t trust her nephew. I would think her nephew assured her that pregnancy would not occur, she thought it was better to waste the time of a gynaecologist.
3. Her nephew is dumb, causing her to be affected by his sheer stupidity.

Anyway, I think the nephew should be placed with a condom at all times.

The fact that he can be so easily aroused makes me feel scared. Young people, tsk, so horny.

He should take biology lessons too. Rat dissection can be a wonderful educating experience.

Mrs Har talking about ripping out a rat’s genitals is a very assuring event too. You kinda wonder the horrors she does with her cooking ingredients after watching her dissect a rat.

So please, keep your seminal fluid to yourself, and educate your brain with rich knowledge that can be obtained from any brochure or inside a condom packaging. It won’t hurt, especially when you know it can happen without any real sex.

Amazing, eh, the young Singaporeans who are slogging their guts out to learn how to fight for our nation and steeling their determination, peseverance, and life skills that are said to be useful when us, the mighty young men of Singapore leave NS to join the harsh world of the workforce. A soldier, equipped with life skills and steely resolve, took a rifle, and went shopping, over a failed relationship.

This guy, apparently, was wearing black suit and tie, in Cineleisure? Superbly anti-climax. I am totally wondering how Singaporeans can spot big black bags on MRTs, and yet not take notice of a person who has an emo face, dressed in a black suit, WITH TIE, and hanging out in Cineleisure? It’s a really bad way to impress your ex-girlfriend, you know.

No, the picture on the front page of The Straits Times shows that the soldier does not look like James Bond.

It’s like dressing up for a ball, then going to IRC to play LAN.

Uber cool. And he has a rifle, a loaded one, stuck somewhere in his suit, while strolling around. I have no idea why would anyone take a rifle for a stroll when having a failed relationship. It’s like urm, dumb? You get to go to jail for a good few years of your life, and even having free caning sessions. Issit like the new way to get emo and hurt yourself for fun? I dunno, I would very much pretend to slit my wrist, then go get my ass flayed apart.

The whole floor of the Cineleisure was also said to be cordoned off. Amazing, the efficiency of our police force. As in seriously. It’s like totally cooler to witness that then go to the Army Open House.

I say, the next time you get emo, don’t kope a rifle. It ain’t worth it. And perhaps, those terrorists who are working in Singapore might like a career change.

You see, it all started when my friend, Sherwyn, posted this, on a forum.

“A Quiet Place to Study?

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Hiya guys,I’m 16 this year and my final exams are in 23 days..
Any recommendation as to where my girlfriend and I can go to study?
We’ve been to McDonalds, Starbucks, Coffee Bean and many libraries throughout the year so don’t recommend those anymore.. looking for something more unique (:I live in Kovan, near Hougang- It’d be great if anyone knows a decent place within this region.Thanks!”

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A purely innocent message. Seemingly.But imagine what he got back for answers.

It was great to have an auntie to start  replying to the thread. At least it was good intentioned…

But soon, there were people who failed english and thought others failed theirs too. Does sex sound the same as study?

And, definitely, the outright perverted ones.

Amazing to why Singapore is having such a low birth rate. It must be because all the imaginative people are socially responsible too. If I had a girlfriend, let’s just say that perhaps, I would ask my close friends for ideas, instead of the public.

The public has the youth’s interests at heart. Indeed.

“Unrequited love is love that is not reciprocated, even though reciprocation is usually deeply desired. This can lead to feelings such as depression, low self-esteem, anxiety, and mood swings such as swift changes between depression and euphoria. A notable form of unrequited love is self-inflicted masochistic infatuation.”

Heehee. I think that’s one Zhong Ning is going through now. After the lovable girl was said by Bing Xiang to be making out in the Band Room with a band guy named Jason. Making out, yo. I was actually wondering how was that even possible. Our school is like totally unprivate. You do something, everyone is bound to know. Thank god I have learnt the art of hiding, so hello? Let me teach you a few rules before you want to do something you don’t want anyone, anyone, to know.

1. Never do something that is so likely to be you. Duh. Self-explanatory.

2. If you are doing something that is likely to be you, find/forge a good cover. Eg. you want to snog someone, but you are unbelievably hideous. So don’t do it somewhere where others will find out lah. Cmon, Singapore is not that small. I’m sure if you can think of the Band Room, you can think of the Handicapped Toilet.

3. Believe in your cover. But don’t be reckless. Alas, to lie, to deceive, believe you are doing it/ did it. It works. Your brain tunes to the lie, you forget whatever you did, and nothing that you did will ever be revealed. And please, if you are freaking despo, please don’t snog someone then say “she’s so ugly, who wants to snog her?” No one will believe. Cos you’ll snog Norbit.

4. Calculate risk. Is it worth taking the risk? Haha, always do this before hand. Trust me, if you know the guy is a judo exponent, and will go for your neck, heh, then you better be a good liar and hider.

5. Finally, know when to stop the game. Don’t ever let your guard down. You know that such an indecent act is bound to last in someone’s mind, so please, be on the constant frame of mind, ready to lie. Get ready a worthy scapegoat that trusts you, will repeat whatever you say, and unlikely to be smart enough to find out you’re lying to him too.

Yup, this is just the main rules of the game. Live by it. I may be lying about it though ^.^

Anyway, I truly wish everyone not to be overly-obsessed by a girl. Or a boy (if you’re a girl or a gay). Some stuff ain’t worth it, and most won’t work according to plan.

Remember Murphy’s Law? Trust me. It’s true. I got A for my final year innovation project. Trust me, that wasn’t in the plan.

And I must say I’m a good concealer of feelings. I may laugh a lot. Can you tell which is the true laughter and which is the fake one?

Anyway, this is Darling Daryl Leong. He has this wonderfully comical face when he sings or laughs. Kinda infectious.

Love is a many splendid thing – Moulin Rouge

I am attending the drums sabbactical today. And there are two SC girls there, which means that the sec 4 boys are acting totally like morons, (I’m just laughing away most of the time), and the sec 2s give the girls the definition of idiots, which greatly exemplifies why the sc girls go back having nothing but good things to say about hwachong. I think their speech were edited by their hosts before they went up to speak at the mike. Oh well, let’s just say if the sec 2s continue acting like idiots again tomorrow, banging their sticks like monkeys with an iron pole, I’ll go-hulk-with-a-lampost on them.

The instructors pretty cool, they really know they’re stuff, and thank god they are patient. I am like concussed when it comes to hand-leg co-ordination. They were blabbing something about having independent sides of the mind so as to multi-task, or rather, use different limbs to play to different rhythms at the same time, but somehow, my mind seems like just a piece of useless mass today. I can’t play the basic 8-beat groove thingy, which drives me crazy, cause I’ve been like listening to yellowcard and taking back sunday, and I totally want to be like their drummers.

It’s like uber cool, can?

 Anyway, back to the thing about the sc girls. There’s a sec 2 and a sec 3, and Zhong Ning one of my friends was like going “she’s damn cute lah” all the way throughout the damn thing, and finally making me lose the bet by talking to her. I am officially stunned. How on earth can any sec 4 hit on a sec 2 girl whom you barely know? Somewhat just wrong. Anyway, the point is, the sec 3 girl was pretty pitiful, if she could think what we guys were thinking, or hear what we were talking. Sorry, boys will be boys, and Davin was saying she’s a “fat felicia chin” plump. I am so after looks when it comes to superficial relationships that I know will stay superficial.

Yeah, and I ended my day with meeting two of my wonderful ex-volleyball seniors. (I quit in sec 2.) I can bet my freaking head that they were wondering why on earth am I so tall. I can bet my life. And the most vicious thought popped into my head, with every single bad memory flooding back.  矮冬瓜。So bad, but who cares? You are short, never won a single competition, and are freaking snobs. Betcha they’re despised in jc.

Heh. Never cross paths with me. I am one evil kid.